Monday, May 2, 2011

The Boogie Man is Dead, Now Fear the Goblins

The Bureau of Protection Against Evil Fairytale Creatures (PAEFC) announced in a news release today that the Boogie Man has been killed.

"This goes to show that the trillions of dollars spent and the millions of innocent lives lost in the years of hunting down this dangerous fairytale creature was worth it," Johnny Truthteller, a spokesman for the PAEFC, said in the news release. "A dangerous creature responsible for many atrocities, including kidnapping young children from their homes and eating them, has been neutralized. For those who have been harmed by this vile creature, justice has been served."

King Barry Goodfellow, the commander and chief of Goodguyland, held a press conference to confirm the news.

"After many, many years of searching, we have finally found this menace to childhood dreaming and put an end to his evil," King Goodfellow said. "This gives all citizens of Goodguyland reason to celebrate. No longer will children have to shake and quake as they hide under their beds for fear that the Boogie Man will jump out of their closet while they sleep. No longer will young people need to be afraid of walking in dark forests at night. Let it be known to all that have suffered due to the actions of this creature that justice has been served."

The Boogie Man was killed in Farawayland where he was hiding in a goblin compound. PAEFC officials claim he was beheaded by the good king's knights in a dangerous military operation that took place in the middle of the night when no one was looking. They were quick to destroy the body so that no one could look at it and bring the magical being back to life.

This good news comes at a time when faith in the leadership of Goodguyland is fading and people are beginning to question the wisdom of keeping so many of our young knights in so many foreign lands around the globe. It is hoped by the political and military leaders of Goodguyland that this will lift the spirits of its citizens and convince them to shut up about all the bad things that are happening due to military operations. It is also hoped that this will take the spotlight off the economic troubles currently being experienced in Goodguyland.

On a related note, in a separate news conference, King Barry Goodfellow said, "This does not mean that we can relax. We must remain vigilant. Alki Goblinia (the organization headed by the Boogie Man before his death) is still operating. We are certain the goblins will try to strike back after the death of their leader. They have managed to get all sorts of dangerous magical weapons that have eluded our magical weapons detectors that have cost the taxpayers of Goodguyland billions of dollars to build. This does not mean that our scientists have failed, only that the goblins are smarter than we thought. Children should still remain cautious and hide under their blankets when they sleep."

When this reporter asked King Barry Goodfellow about the failing economy he said, "The economy is getting better. People are going back to work. The recession ended years ago. We are not in a depression. All indicators are it is growing. Now is not the time to think about the economy. It's time to celebrate. Come on, the Boogie Man is dead. Goodguyland is the greatest place in the universe again. What did you bring up the economy for? Have a drink. Go buy a flag and sing songs about how great Goodguyland is."

There are those who are not so sure about the validity of the reports that the Boogie Man is dead. Some believe he died years ago and the threat of attacks from Alki Goblinia is overblown. They believe that goblins are mostly used by parents to control their children and King Barry Goodfellow to justify a domestic police force that has become increasingly violent against the citizens of Goodguyland who try to exercise their individual rights.

Justin Freeman, president of the Fairytale Disbeliever Committee, said in an interview after he heard the news of the Boogie Man's death, "This is just another distraction. The Boogie Man died long ago and this is a political trick being used to restore nationalism and take the populace's mind off the domestic problems we face. You watch, nothing will change. Our knights will continue to occupy Farawayland. Our military will continue to conduct operations in other foreign lands. People who at one time criticized King Barry Goodfellow will now praise him. People want an excuse to feel good even though our way of life is deteriorating and this story that has been weaved by those who benefit from war gives them the chance to do that."

It is clear that Justin Freeman and others like him think the government made all this up for their own benefit. This reporter thinks we should laugh at them and not even bother to look into the validity of their allegations and accusations. Why think? This is a time to celebrate and forget about our problems.

My archived articles are available at Please visit there to help support me and my efforts. I also have an ebook available entitled "The Ouijiers" by Matthew Wayne.

No comments: